My eldest sister

I suppose I write everything as though I'm having a one-sided conversation...which I am. I have too many thoughts and feelings, not, to put them down somewhere. This Blog helps me to maybe answer questions I have, and also remember my feelings, and thoughts, about a day. Hopefully this virtual space will always remain, so one day my children can read my thoughts, and know the me, outside of the Mom. At their age, they don't fully comprehend that I am a person (singular) , and that I feel (verb). For some reason that is the layout of life.
I had a wonderful...no, better then wonderful day yesterday. My mom dropped my eldest sister off to my home in the early afternoon, it has been way too long since she and I shared time alone, (the girls are in day camp this week and almost hate it). Most of the day consisted of each other co-existing in each others space...with perfect harmony I might add. I was born on Cindys birthday, which is November 23...she is 7 years my senior, (I always say to her, I was her best birthday present)...she only glares at me, I do it to get a rise out of her (smiling).

When I was a young child, Cindy is what people labeled as "mentally retarded", I prefer to use that label for some people, such as my X boss..(smiling again). Now we refer to people like her as developmentally disabled, or slow, or mentally challenged. Couldn't we all fall into those categories at one time or another? Cindy is 53 years old, but in this world I would place her at around 10 or 11 years of age. When I am with her, I have a degree of patience that surpasses MY comprehension, (patience is not my long suit by any means). I have always learned from her, and continue to do so, I, for as long as I can remember have referred to her as a gift. Because of who she is, I personally, have learned tolerance for those whom don't respond physically or mentally as quick as most. She tires very easily, so I made a comfy sleeping area for her, and turned on one of her favorite shows, layed one of my pups next to her, while the big pup layed on the floor, perfect harmony. When she awoke, she said, "Sandy, I had a deep nap". I only smiled, (my heart was bursting with joy), she felt so safe with me and my dogs. My dogs gave her much love and attention, they are wonderful creatures. In the evening, we sat outdoors and soaked in the beautiful warm summer air, she decided to get up and take a walk alone, as I sat back and watched her walk away from me, I couldn't help but notice how she walks a little slower, or how her hair is graying, or how she walked in a way that she knows she is aging. It is difficult to view Cindy as getting older, because she socially acts as if she is a young child. By the grace of God, (and a lot of training by our mother) Cindy is able to manage in her own home, she enjoys her independence (don't most of us?). As I was driving her home in the late evening, I asked her what she will be doing the rest of the night, she mentioned a few T.V. programs, one of them being Power Rangers, and I am reminded again of how vunerable she is in this crazy world. We as a family, (separately, but that's another story) will forever have to watch over Cindy and keep her safe and healthy, it is not a burden in any way to me, for the little I give to her, I receive back ten-fold. Not that a message is needed here, but if there were to be one, it's all in your perspective, (kind of the half empty or half full way of thinking). But with Cindy, I don't completely choose my perspective, it's almost like it's inevitable. So, here's to you sis, (that's her nickname for me) you fill my heart with such joy! I love you.