That is Christmas

For unto us a child is born,
unto us a son is given.

Every time a hand reaches out to help another.....that is Christmas.

Every time someone puts anger aside and strives for understanding.....that is Christmas.

Every time people forget their differences and realize their love for each other.....that is Christmas.

These words are in each and every Christmas card I send. I would like to add to the words that this means 24/7, 365 days a year. But I resist, do some people need to be told this? I am far from perfect, I need to work on these words every day of my life, some days are easier than others.

I love the "feeling" of Christmas, minus the rush. I want to celebrate Christmas, on that day, in peaceful surroundings, which means not going to my Mom's and being surrounded by siblings that are judgemental, and for a few of them, they don't understand true forgiveness. By being there, it adds to the day an ugliness, one that is encouraged by some, and ignored by others. I am afraid of hurting her feelings by not showing up. She would rather I go through the motions, I know. In my family, it has always been more about "show" rather than feelings. With Dad gone, our Elmer's glue, the one who preached and demonstrated forgiveness, I find it almost scary to go there and celebrate Christmas. When Dad was with us, you just knew not to misbehave around him. Now with him gone it's no holds barred. I wish Mom wouldn't ignore it, I wish she had the strength to say knock this shit off! She is tired I know, and that I understand because that's who she is. Even if things are broken, she wants to pretend that all is OK. Only because she is 74, and starting to become forgetful, I say nothing. I am still angry though, mostly angry with myself for not being able to stand, or to take a stand and spend Christmas the way I feel is Holy. I told Mom after Dad died, that I would embrace and forgive each and everyone of them from the bottom of my heart, and I still mean it, I am open, they are not. I am anxious about the facade I have to wear during those 4 hours of Christmas, it does not seem God pleasing to me, or is it?