I'm reading it, I'm on page 168. I recommend it.
I do love God. I wish to get closer with Him. That's all for now.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Saturday, November 08, 2008
I felt I had no choice
Those 48 hours of your begging me to make the pain stop were draining, and as your mom I couldn't make it go away. Why does medicine take so long to work? Why didn't God reach into you and remove your pain? Why is pain even necessary?
The pain of admitting you to a mental health clinic was almost more than I could bare. I had to. I really believed you were going to do it, you had your sis and I scared to death. For a moment, I imagined life without you, and I didn't like it. I'm so sorry you felt abandoned by me, but trust me, my heart was with you. I'm sorry they shamed you by a search, not letting you wear your bra.....I hated them also for that. In fact I hated the entire thing, they thought you were crazy, and I know you're not! You're not crazy, you're in pain. After the long wait of admitting you, all of the redundent paper work and questions, I took a long drive home. I felt as if I just gave you away to total strangers. I thought if you could just stay there long enough to see the Dr.. then I will bring you home. God spoke to me. the way He knows how, through my gut. He told me you didn't belong there, that you belong home with those that love you, and will watch over you, sleep with you if you need. What was a cold white room going to offer you? I couldn't return quick enough to get you. When I arrived to that place, they told me it wasn't visiting hours. What???? I told them I am here to take you home, now. I feel as though I made a huge mistake, I'm sorry for the fear this caused you, so sorry. I will take care of you and protect you. Let us both be patient with the medicine and therapy......we will get through this together, and possibly become stronger. I love you my little girl, and I need you. Please don't hold against me what I felt was the right thing to do.
The pain of admitting you to a mental health clinic was almost more than I could bare. I had to. I really believed you were going to do it, you had your sis and I scared to death. For a moment, I imagined life without you, and I didn't like it. I'm so sorry you felt abandoned by me, but trust me, my heart was with you. I'm sorry they shamed you by a search, not letting you wear your bra.....I hated them also for that. In fact I hated the entire thing, they thought you were crazy, and I know you're not! You're not crazy, you're in pain. After the long wait of admitting you, all of the redundent paper work and questions, I took a long drive home. I felt as if I just gave you away to total strangers. I thought if you could just stay there long enough to see the Dr.. then I will bring you home. God spoke to me. the way He knows how, through my gut. He told me you didn't belong there, that you belong home with those that love you, and will watch over you, sleep with you if you need. What was a cold white room going to offer you? I couldn't return quick enough to get you. When I arrived to that place, they told me it wasn't visiting hours. What???? I told them I am here to take you home, now. I feel as though I made a huge mistake, I'm sorry for the fear this caused you, so sorry. I will take care of you and protect you. Let us both be patient with the medicine and therapy......we will get through this together, and possibly become stronger. I love you my little girl, and I need you. Please don't hold against me what I felt was the right thing to do.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Pretty simple
Two words can make a huge difference. They are a start, and why didn't I think of it before?
"I'm sorry" Sometimes we have no idea how much pain someone is in, and we don't understand it, but they are there wading in pain nonetheless.
"I'm sorry" Sometimes we have no idea how much pain someone is in, and we don't understand it, but they are there wading in pain nonetheless.
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