I had you smiling this morning, I know I did! I spent an hour, a well spent hour, waking you to go to sis's regional meet, I plugged your nose trying to place a candy corn in your mouth. You laughed. My heart sang!! Little things make me smile, little things matter right now. Keep pressing on sis, God is so good.
Thank you to those who have prayed. A customer came into the store and knew (from the way I appear I'm sure) that I am worn, anyway this customer said to me, If I had a million dollars I'd give it to you, to make things better. I thanked that person. But who I really am, thought to myself, a million dollars is nothing, nothing at all. But for those of you whom have offered my concerns up to God, and have actually prayed for our family, YOU have helped make a difference. Prayer is powerful. God is so good.
Thank you Lord for listening to our prayers, my Amanda will be fine. Please continue to help her grow into the young woman that would please you, and praise you. Thank you for showing us light in this dark period. Our God is an awesome God.

They say there are several steps to dealing with death. Whether it is the actual death of someone you love, or the death of a relationship.
You have now moved to anger. In a way, I'm happy to see this, it means you're moving forward. You tell me you hate G*d right now....at least you're still in communication with Him. Your sister and i had a long talk the other night, I told her of my plans, things I didn't want to have to do, but if you procede to scare me with your thoughts of ending your life, I would have no choice. In her wisdom of only 16 years, she looked at me, and told me only God can heal you. I placed my hand on her shoulder and cried. We are praying for you non-stop in this home. God gave you to me to care for, and take care of, I have failed at times, but you have gotten my attention big time.
When you and I talked today, I reminded you that God answers all prayers, it just might be what we don't want to hear. I know this is tough for you, believe me I know. You are worthy of all good in life, you are a beautiful young woman, with a heart of gold. I will not forsake you, nor will God. You can travel the world and no one can give you what our Lord can give you...please keep your heart open.
I'm so blessed to be your mom.

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Would you please hang on?
I love you more than life itself.
Would you let me help you out of your dark place?
I will draw you into the light.
I've been there, it will and does get better....I promise.
You have so many years ahead of you.
I hear your nails scratching to hang on...please keep clinging.
I need you, we need you, hell, the world needs you.
I have gotten to the point where I placed you at Gods feet.
Something please happen to show her life does go on. That it is worth living.
I miss your smile, I don't remember what it looks like. I remember it warmed my heart.
I want my daughter back, please God.