Drivers license

My daughters start drivers training in 3 weeks. I'm afraid beyond words. In Michigan, you begin at 14yrs. 8 months...what a step back from 15 yrs., some months, when I began( 30 some years ago)!! The cost is $289.00 per child, you could not pay me a thousand dollars to have my child merging on I-75 in three short weeks, so the cost is NOT an issue. Yes, I-75 is that interstate that runs from the top of my state to the tip of Florida. My husband is really pushing for their permit, so they gain some experience......it will be gained with him! I don't have the patience for this. If my daughters would feel comfortable with the word "anal"...they would say I'm being anal about all of this, well I don't care. Oh, my God, being a parent is so full of worries. I always say to them, "It's not that I don't trust you, it's everyone else I don't trust!". I'm sure we'll live through all of this, but it's the toll it takes of my health...(kind of feeling like I'm gasping for breath) . Which reminds me, I should phone my Mom, and thank her, just thank her, for being Mom, and knowing when to let go. But, I don't want to let go........ yet. Amanda & Angela, I love you so much.

Buena vista!

This morning was just beautiful, I love the way the snow just hangs onto everything there is to hang onto. Freshly fallen snow makes Max and Gabbie especially fiesty, I so enjoy watching them! Every season has its beauty, so does every day. I tend to look deeper for it. I think I try to remain an optimist for my kids, because they can be sooo grumbly in the morning.

Passwords & user i.d.s

Lately...especially today, I've been wondering if something were to happen to me, how would my loved ones enter the many, many accounts I have on line? Sometimes I struggle to remember the passwords I used, and which e-mail I registered with. AAAARRRGGG....! What do you people do? That's one thing about getting older, you think about what you're going to leave behind, and what you're not. I think I'll go to bed and think about it ;)

Why?

Hallmark cards say, if you don't experience sadness, you cannot feel real joy. It takes an awful lot, but my faith has come into question...forgive me God for that. I am going to ramble here...only because I can. After losing my father-in-law on Jan. 19, 2007, I thought I would have a rest of some sort. On Feb. 9, 2007, my dear friend and her daughter lost a husband and father in an accident that shouldn't have happened. What the hell? Don leaves behind a wonderful wife, and a beautiful 14 year old daughter. The picture perfect family. I loved him so, never a harsh word against anyone, and he truly enjoyed life. I am angry, and I am filled with sadness for Pam, his wife, and Lauren, his daughter. I'm tired and emotionally drained. Most of all, I am very sad. I want to fix this, but I can't. Dammit. I feel I can't do enough. There are days when I hate it that I care so deeply. Dammit. Maybe I keep too much to myself. I called my husband out of work, to just be with me for a while, before I have to go back to the (dreaded) funeral home. Sometimes life just sucks.