Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Why?
Hallmark cards say, if you don't experience sadness, you cannot feel real joy. It takes an awful lot, but my faith has come into question...forgive me God for that. I am going to ramble here...only because I can. After losing my father-in-law on Jan. 19, 2007, I thought I would have a rest of some sort. On Feb. 9, 2007, my dear friend and her daughter lost a husband and father in an accident that shouldn't have happened. What the hell? Don leaves behind a wonderful wife, and a beautiful 14 year old daughter. The picture perfect family. I loved him so, never a harsh word against anyone, and he truly enjoyed life. I am angry, and I am filled with sadness for Pam, his wife, and Lauren, his daughter. I'm tired and emotionally drained. Most of all, I am very sad. I want to fix this, but I can't. Dammit. I feel I can't do enough. There are days when I hate it that I care so deeply. Dammit. Maybe I keep too much to myself. I called my husband out of work, to just be with me for a while, before I have to go back to the (dreaded) funeral home. Sometimes life just sucks.
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This is such a sad scenario, and it replays itself over and over again every day, all across the country. It's the commonality of the experience that makes me believe people do get through it...but that knowledge does nothing to lessen the grief. I'm sorry for your friend and her daughter, and I'm sorry for your pain. In the sense that if you didn't have so much love in your heart, then you wouldn't hurt so much, I guess I agree with the Hallmark cards.
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