Warning: sentence enhancers.........

My old life ended on May 30th. My new life began May 31st. There is a price to pay for living your dream, as there should be, somehow it makes it all worth while. I think sleep deprivation has gotten the best of me, the only other time I've experienced it is when my girls were born. I'm fucking tired, and there is the guilt that goes along with that. My home is a mess, my girls are pissed, my dogs are pissed, my mother doesn't see me enough, and I don't see her enough, the list of chores I want to do for her is a mile long...........damnit. My husband sits on the back burner along with the rest of my family, and I pray they are patient with me. It is 2:00 am, and yesterday was Fathers Day, the third year without dad, or is it the second? I'm angry he is gone, I'm very angry, why is this coming up now? I didn't even want to remember it was fathers day, I'd just as soon it didn't exist anymore. It doesn't for me. He was my fathers day, he was the only reason for fathers day. Fuck. I have read that grief comes in waves....I'm in a big wave right now. I want so terribly to be with him, but not to where I'd do anything I shouldn't. Really, I wouldn't, I just fucking miss him. I want him with me to see his daughter opening a business, I want him to be proud of me. I want his presence in my store, I want his ideas, I want his humor. To me it really sucks that I have to live my life without him, but that is life I guess. I'm not really sure what prompted all of this random writing, but here it is. Here are my feelings tonight. I feel so totally spent, and I just don't care how off the wall I sound. I will go to bed tonight and wake in the morning and go right back at it. If I make the time tomorrow, I'll write more random shit. Right now, I pray I wake with a entire new attitude, cause this one sucks.