Count down

I am methodically counting down the months before the two of you start college. It seems that you really feel that you can leave home, leave the state, and begin a entire new life. Ugh....I pray you're right. I'll miss the two of you in so many ways, but I won't miss the bickering sisters do....How did time pass so quickly? Where did it go? MY.GOD, I love you two so much. My heart is bursting with joy for you, as well as excitement! Could I maybe just follow the two of you around for a while? I'll be quiet I promise. Hey, I'll cook for you! I'll wash your clothes, run your errands, tuck you in at night, and make sure there are no boogie-men under your beds...What's that you say? "no"? I didn't think so. It's o.k., I am going to be alright, I'll carry you right here, right here in my heart. The two of you are going to make a difference in this world, I just know it! And if by chance there are any boogie-men around, I think I've taught you what to do...but just in case, call me, I'll be right there, I'm always right here for you. always and forever

The purest soul I know

At culinery camp last week Sophia went into the bathroom. She is all of 10 years old, and autistic. She was washing her hands when the door opened and a fellow "camper" walked in. It was Brittney.

Brittney: have you seen Kallie?

Sophia: I'm not Kallie, I'm Sophia.

Brittney: OH, you're Sophia Popia?

Sophia: If you're going to talk to me like that, I'm going to cover my ears and leave. (and she did, and she left)

and that's what she told her mother, and that's what her mother told me.

I am proud of her

I am fortunate enough to be able to spend 7 hours with my niece tomorrow, I'm honored.

To be in her presence, is to walk with God, I swear

To be with her, is to see only beauty in this world through her eyes

And to be with her is to witness patience like you've never seen........talk about Job

Note to self....

learn to keep your mouth shut, and remember everything out of your mouth will embarrass the girls.ugh.

Where did time go?

What happens to time when it's gone? I swear it was only yesterday that you were 4 years old. You tell me today you're 17...I'm dumbfounded. If I look in the mirror, I see time has passed. I look at the two of you and still see two little girls, and I know it isn't fair, but I'm your mom, I can see what I choose, I believe it's a God given right. One year from now, you'll be graduating from high school...and you can bet I'm sweating it big time. What am I to do when you both are off to college? Who will need me? I am more afraid then you, I think?
Will you still need me? I have never been more afraid of anything in my life as much as this, this big change coming, I feel it, and as much as I want to fight it, it's gonna happen anyway. I listen to other parents, they talk about where their kid is going to college, they seem so upbeat about it all. I feel like a lost child, am I the only one? I feel like my heart is being ripped out, and the two of you don't even know. I wouldn't burden either one of you with my, well, faults.
If I were to ask God for one thing right now, it would be to slow this next year down, slow it to my pace, a pace where I can process what is happening.
By the way, the two of you looked beautiful today, like the beautiful young ladies you are.
Your Grandpa would be so very proud.

Aunt Vivian called

she's a fiesty one she is. She needed some info from me. I love to talk with her, trouble is, at 78 years old, she's too busy for long talks. Do I know someone who repairs stained glass? well sure I do. I'm fumbling for phone numbers, anything for her. Sandy, do you remember when you were a little girl, you looked out into my backyard, and pointed to a skinny apple tree and said, could I have one of those trees, please? No Aunt Vivian I don't, but I do remember the horses. When we came to your home, I dreamt of being a "cowgirl". I saved my First Holy Communion money to buy myself a pair of ACME boots, tan suede. I put many miles on those boots, strutting up and down my city block.
OK honey, I gotta go, I've got a customer waiting in the barn for me, I love you. I love you too Aunt Vivian.

Acquire the Fire

At the beginning of last week He was wispering to me, their hearts will be filled with the Holy Spirit, I trusted, and He came through. These past months, what felt like an eternity, have been exhausting. Satan is the great lier, and he has been reeking havoc in our home. I'll bet after this past weekend he is really pissed off. (insert smileys here) I admit it was nice to have the girls away this weekend, so Jim and I could reconnect, go out to dinner, watch a few movies, to be a couple again. God rained so much joy down this weekend, I can barely process it all. While Jim and I were having dinner, I received the first of many text messages from my daughters while they were away with their youth group. I was a bit surprised they would even contact me, being that they were at a huge concert and workshop with thousands of other Jesus freaking teens. But they had "good news" to share with mama.
First text..."mom, this morning we had a session for girls about purity, etc. and a speaker had everyone come down who was unpure or wanted to make renewal pledge to god, so I went down cause even though (ex-boyfriends name here) and I never had sex, I feel like he took my purity and I could never have it back, but they blessed us and prayed over us, I knelt before God and bawled my eyes out, I'm pure and I always will be from this day forward until marriage...God worked in me today mom."
How many mom's get a text like that during dinner?! Many text's followed....I won't bore you with the specifics, but they had forgiven me. I had such a peace over me this weekend, normally when they are away from me, I admit I get a bit anxious. God had been wispering to me this past week that He had it all under control, as He always does. I gave my daughters to Him this weekend, body and soul. He being the perfect parent protected them, loved them unconditionally, forgave them and renewed them. I think their mom was renewed also.
Oh, the mystery...I can barely wrap my head around it, but my heart is bursting!

Reading between the lines

First snow day of the year yesterday, and surely not the last. Second born daughter came home after a night away, plopped down at the bar across from me looking weary.

Angie; Mom, how do I really know God is a merciful and forgiving God?
Me to self; what did ya do?
Angie; there is this boy at school in my prayer group that knows he is sinning, but still keeps doing it over and over.
Me to self again; what did ya do?

Now her tears are rolling down her cheeks.

Me to angie; now angie, if I as your earthly parent can forgive you for whatever you do, don't you think that the most perfect parent of all, can, and will forgive you if you ask?

angie; are you sure mom?
me to angie; this all didn't take place thousands of years ago, He is here and now, so you can go back to school and tell this boy that our God is a loving, forgiving God, and keep reminding him of that, ok?
angie; thanks mom
me to angie; do you feel better now?
angie; ya.
me to self; what did you do?